this is calum thomas hood. he plays bass and does vocals in a band called 5 seconds of summer. he is 18 years old. calum hood saved my life.
the thought of calum saddens me, but also warms my heart. thinking about us both together makes me smile. the thought of me making shitty food and us eating it, uncaring of the apparent lack of flavor. the thought of us cuddling together and holding hands, me lying in between his legs and lying on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. the thought of me bawling my eyes out and him cradling me from behind, clutching me tightly and whispering sweet nothings into my ear and singing to me softly, and he cries with me. i can hear his sniffles, and my mouth begins to form the words “ i love you." and quietly, he whispers, " i love you too.” and we sit there the rest of the night crying. the next morning, he says and does sweet things, makes me laugh, and gives me little gifts, kissing me tenderly as he does so. the thought of us throwing snowballs at each other, laughing so hard we fall on the ground together, and we make snow angels. then, as we look at each other, we both smile. i cup his face in my hands, and i glide my thumb across his red, warm cheek. he blushes, smiles even wider, then kisses me softly, and the snowflakes fall delicately onto our faces, the moon illuminating all the beautiful contours of his face. afterwards we go inside and watch a comedy, drinking tea and snuggling under a knit blanket.
the saddening part is that it’s all just imaginary. he’ll never really love me, not like i love him. he’ll never hold me tenderly. he’ll never whisper those sweet nothings into my ear. he has no ides who i am. he’s like Jupiter, large and important, and i am nothing but one of the many moons encircling him.he’ll never know who i am, and if i ever do meet him, he’ll forget me in no time at all, but i’ll never give up on him. he gave me that hope that maybe one day, one day i’ll see him. and he’ll give me love. and though this story is beautifully depressing, it’s not over yet. it has only just begun. i love calum thomas hood, and i always will. <3